Rant

It’s been a while since I’ve had a good rant. I’m overdue. So, here I go …. stream of consciousness style. Why rant? Not sure, but I have thoughts swirling and I need to get something out although, I’m not quite sure what.

I have several projects underway, personal projects plus an intense work project. All of which demand my time and attention. Then, why oh why do I not finish one before moving on to the next? No, I know the answer to that. I have learned, too, that those things that truly interest me, I return too before long.

Last night, I tried to work on work at home. Well, kinda of, I found myself integrating my personal recent interest in rewriting to my work needs. For a while now, I have been using a journal to keep track of daily tasks, meetings, and other important facts. Recently, I have migrated that practice from the handwritten format to the computer age. Last night, I started with the oldest journal and started rewriting the information into my computerized journal. Quite unsuccessfully in fact. I couldn’t get past the first couple of days because I kept waffling between mimicking the style, punctuation, and other details AND rewriting myself to make sense and be more readable on the computer screen. That particular frustration was overlaying an older deeper frustration which is a reluctance to drag myself back through old information where I would certainly find evidence of work tasks not completed to meet my high expectations of myself. Of course, it’s also hard to concentrate on such a endeavor when you are also simultaneously in the midst of a “Elementary” marathon. For that matter it’s difficult to sustain a really good rant while in the midst of a “Elementary” marathon.

So, yes. Sherlock Holmes is a part of the ephemera. General knowledge. We all know who Holmes and Watson are or at least we think we do. Sometime back, perhaps a few years ago. I decided to find out more about the origins of the characters. I found and read every Holmes story that I could find written by Conan Doyle. I deliberately avoided reading anything not written by him though, I can be very prejudice that way when it comes to the worlds built by creators. Ironic, considering that my dive into the Sherlock canon occurred after having watched the movie starring Robert Downey. I think I had also seen at least part of the first BBC series.

My fascination with the Holmes and Watson was reignited last weekend when I discovered that several more of the BBC Sherlock series were available on my Roku. That discovery led to a BBC Sherlock marathon wherein I started over and watched the entire series currently available. Followed by the download of samples of Kindle Books. Of course I focused on those books written about the characters and not those including fictional stories. When I search on Kindle Books for “Holmes” I find 4,205 results. Watson returns 3,104 results. Sherlock Holmes returns 2,028 results. John Watson returns 294 results. Dr Watson returns 137 results. Finally, Doctor Watson returned 52 results. Interesting results. Not all of the results are about Holmes and Watson of course but even so, it would be impossible to read all of the currently available books on the subject I don’t want to even think about what’s available online. The juxtaposition of fiction for the masses with scholarly and literary writings appeal to me. I rebel against myself.

Why did holmes stop wearing a scarf and watson start wearing a scarf? Screams legal maneuverings.

There are distractions but then there are distractions.

kdfjakdfjqievdifnfei99hvdknwdo hj9yt\30ru fjv
m mlfjo ej f9efj
eojveP
KC; MORU T0UREOQJFKFDLAMKDVNIOFNTTKKECJOVE N
GV9dPM
3 3RLDv-0ijepm3r5

Hmmmm… randomness. Finger to keyboard. Chaos.

I don’t feel ranted out. There’s more there. The surface hasn’t even been smudged much less cracked. I’m not sure how to get there.

One way to dig out and open up is to loosen up. Meaning drink up but keep typing. Blank slate becomes blanker the longer you look at it. But if you keep typing about anything. Something. Anything. Just keep typing. And, maybe, just maybe there is a chance something relevant that will be written amongst the drivel.

(BTW – still watching Elelmentary – up to episode 12 of the first season now).

The portrayal of death and grieving in fiction never corresponds well with reality. At least the reality as I have known it. I’ll come back to this topic, something else has caught my attention.

Nope.lost it. Ah, there it is. Alcohol. I have a love hate relationship with it. I don’t drink except when I do. Usually, when I do (which thankfully has been fairly rarely), I don’t stop at one. I prefer hard – whiskey, scotch, vodka, tequila. The hate of it I’m sure has to do with how I felt growing up when the adults in my life drank. A couple of resultant memories that from a child’s perspective are quite different than an adult’s perspective gives me. The love relationship is due to the way I feel released to be ….. open. Without actually being open. Being open without actually being open about anything truly important. I’m not exactly explaining myself well. Among other things, I find it easier to be social when buzzed. In normal situations, I find it difficulty with accurately interpreting the subtext of the interactions of the people surrounding me. When buzzed, I care less about that subtext, and just enjoy myself. Don’t get me wrong, I believe very strongly that it is WRONG to drink and drive. The best way to NOT drink and drive is to drink at home even if that means drinking alone. That’s a really sad and lonely picture, isn’t it?

Still watching Elementary. It’s really odd to be watching a show without commercials. You can tell where the commercials were but there instead of getting a commercial you get the show. You still get breaks of course, by pausing. The difference is a matter of control and intrusion. You control when to stop and take a break and you are not constantly forced to here about commercial products. The corporate industry has gotten very sneaky though. Their products are displayed in obvious and not so obvious ways throughout the television shows.

I’m not going to like the way I feel when the hangover hits. As I was just re fixing my drink, I thought of an old television show, “Party of Five.” I didn’t watch every episode of Party of Five. Can’t remember the character names at the moment. But I’m thinking about a particular episode where the second son got seriously drunk while writing a paper for a class. Of course, the show took him from zero to being an alcoholic in just a couple of shows. Anyway, in the episode, he was drunk and writing this paper. As he was writing, he thought it was brilliant. The most brilliant thing he had ever done. Later as the obvious repercussions set in, he realized and it was pointed out to him that it was in fact crap.

Interesting observation. I’ve been going ahead and publishing and updating this post throughout the night. For whatever reason, the time of publishing keeps changing, but not correctly. Odd that.

He’s back to wearing his scarf.

I’m feeling buzzed finally. Almost too buzzed. So, I need to slow down. Hence, peanut butter and jelly sandwich (with strawberry jelly). I hope it doesn’t come back up.

Episode 14….

The radio dj’s who got drunk on the air: When I was a teenager, in my rebellious stage, I don’t remember being all that rebellious. I don’t know if it was an effort to fit in at school or in my rebellion to my parents’ listening of country music but I chose to listen to a non-country music radio station. I don’t remember for sure if it was rock, soft rock, or mixed but it certainly wasn’t country which is what my parents listened to and what I mostly listen to now. It must have been a weekend or holiday, but the radio station staged an anti-drinking campaign by having the dj’s drink on the air. They reported how much they were drinking and how they were feeling. My overall remembrance is lot’s of laughter. Make me think that as a a teenager, I did not get the message they intended.

Confusion. IS the ability to be confused a sign?

My intentions are to stay up and drink until I have watched all of the existing Elementary episodes. Which means, I have quite a while to go. Wonder if I’ll make it. That is not the point though is it? This was intended to be a rant post and have I really accomplished that? I don’t think so. I need to dig deeper.

When I was in college, there was a sale at the college book store. There were all kinds of scholarly books there. I picked up book after book after book. I don’t think I ever completed one of them but I still have them…. I think. I remember a particular book….. called Primal Scream, I think. The premise was a psychologist who was giving stories of their patients. All of which found catharsis by blaming their parents and having a uncontrollable screaming fit. I find the concept of blaming one’s parents ridiculous. One is responsible for one’s self. Screaming, though, that’s a different story. I wonder if the most well-adjusted people out there are those that attend sporting events. Sporting events give a person an opportunity to scream their heads off in a socially acceptable way. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a sporting event, perhaps that is what I really need. Of course, the Super Bowl is tomorrow. But screaming at the tv alone at home is not quite the same as screaming in concert with many others in public.

Episode 15…. and the date/time keeps doing weird things…

Pets perform much of the same function. They provide unconditional love and an opportunity to provide unconditional love. No matter how stupid you are being or how non-normal. They are just there and they love you anyway.

I’ve lost the thread and the buzz. Disappointing.

The “deductive” methods of Holmes in the sense of noticing small details and figuring conclusions from those details features in a lot of police procedurals. The one that keeps coming to mind is “The Mentalist.” Another one is “Body of Proof.” They throw in other conceits as well of course. What intrigues me is that I find all of those types of shows interesting without connecting the dots to Sherlock Holmes, The thing I wonder is there value in pop culture? Perhaps pop culture is an unfair term. Sherlock Holmes is not exactly Kim Kardashian or Miley Cyrus. Perhaps, I should realize that my internal angst and struggle between the types of entertainment that I consume: eye candy such as television shows, iPhone apps, non-fiction accounts regarding whatever, classic literary fiction, poetry, etc….

I like the locks on the wall on Elementary. Oddly decorative….. and we’ve arrived at episode 16.

I’m back to thinking about the differences between tv and real life (death, illnesses, and so on….). Perhaps instigating, by the obviously ridiculously vehicle roll over, After past personal strategies, I couldn’t stand to watch anything even remotely related or tragic or …. Well, my reaction right now is not at all comparable. (Side note, I think one of the appeals to me of Sherlock is his complete lack of social graces.) Which brings me to the tragedy part.

Hmmmm….. Not enough drink, yet then evidently.

In the spirit of reporting what my perception of being buzzed / drinking is. When I’m sitting still watching tv and typing… my attention wanders but I don’t really feel different than myself except for good. When I get up and move around, I notice that my motor skills are lacking. My motor skills always seem below average leading to a reputation of clumsiness… but right now when I move about my house I am off. I overreach. I over lean. It’s odd that I easily recognizes the difference in my motor skills but not in my motor skills. I know that they are there too. When up and around away from my easy chair/ iphone / keyboard, I think of awesome things to say in this continuous “rant” but upon my return. I can’t remember what the “brilliant” thought was. I wonder if quizzed tomorrow, I could remember the details of the “Elementary” shows that I am also concurrently watching. I wonder.

Episode 17….

I am oddly reminded of a night oddly similar to tonight from several years ago. I was drinking (and much drunker than at the moment or I held my liquor much less well than tonight). I was even posting something online. Not this blog of course. I didn’t have cable, Roku, or dvr at the time but I was watching some kind of drivel on tv. Then, the most awkward thing happened…. my Mom showed up at my door. I was embarrassed,. I felt that she was judgmental, even if she wasn’t. Needless to say, I checked to make sure she was staying at her home tonight because she does have an odd way of showing up at the most opportune moments.

I had something to say here but I forgot what it was. (I have to wonder if there is a sub-genre of blogs out there that are all about drunk-blogging.) My pets abandon me… all going to sleep. The only smart thing I am doing is not working on work.

Something odd, I notice on tv…. well on Sherlock…. characters on tv talking about things within earshot of other characters (extras) that shouldn’t be said. I work in a place where I have determined the best way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself. A whisper rumbles. In the end it’s like a tsunami, you don’t see it coming but it is devastating when it hits.

I’m lost again…. what is my next topic?

DVR’s…. have changed the way we watch tv. Miss something? Rewind? Miss it again? Rewind again. Need to take a break? Hit pause. Roku is a different animal than DVR. ON DVR, you get to select what you watch when you watch. Time disappears….. (which if you haven’t paid attention, is a common theme with med).

Now what?

There are 11 minutes left in this episode and I seem to missing a lot of the important points. For awhile there I avoided Elementary as a bastardization of the canon of Holmes and Watson. A female, Watson? Seemed completely erroneous. However, I am several episodes in now and I am truly enjoying this show.weq8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888a34

Dropped the keyboard. It fell under the easy chair and a random 8 was the result.

What’s more important in this world? The reality of us? Or the appearance of us?

Episode 18…. I don’t think I’m typing quite enough… my senses are dulled….. but I still feel good.

The subways of New York are a foreign place to me. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a train (a real one at least) much less a subway.

How many dead wasps are in the vase? I am going to go count. I just realized that I have moved from pleasantly buzzed to quite drunk. My hints were my difficulty in typing and difficulty in walking. It might have been a hint when I smelled the tequila and sniffed too hard. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. wasps. I have a vase on my windowsill in my kitchen. This vase seems to collect dead red wasps without my intervention. I just counted. There are five. For some reason, I thought there were only three. That means that I have collected two more without my knowledge. Interestingly enough, I have two types of wasps that infiltrate my home. One is a red wasp. The other is a yellow jacket. I only ever see the red ones when they show up dead in the vase. The yellow jackets show up dead on the floor upstairs. … That’s not entirely true. Occasionally, I run across livelier ones every once in a great while. I have accidentally stepped on one on occasion and actually been stung. I consider myself at war with them. Not sure who is winning. The question is have they decided that they vase is their graveyard. For some reason, I think of whales beaching themselves of beaches. To the best of my knowledge, we don’t know why. It’s a mystery.

I find myself rewinding more because I keep missing details. I also having to erase my words and retyping because my words are misspelled. Either that or using spell check to replace the mis-spelled word that I have mistakenly typed.

Time is what you make of it. Picture a drunk person giving their cat and their puppy Cheerios. The cat could care less but the puppy loves every nibble.. I would never feed the puppy human food sober.

There was a family reunion of sorts today. They listed on Facebook a list of people they missed not being there. My name was not among the names listed.

I’m not …. I lost my train of thought again. Quite frustrating.

I get frustrated by tv shows, novels,and other stories that have details that make no sense whatsoever. At the moment, my frustration is at a low tide. But, still why would the official cops allow amateurs in the room?

Episode 19….

…. And I haven’t been typing. Interest fact (or not), I have a space heater glowing on one side of me and a circulating fan on the other. I that the alcohol?

Keep typing, right? I have done a horrible job of that? On my wall, is a picture of a lantern, a windmill, a barn, a squirrel in a tree, and a wooden bridge over an iced river. ON another wall sits a wooden rocking horse. Behind me sits, a fence post with a metal pail, a butterfly, a golden horse, a yellow leopard, and flowers. Not just white flowers but bluebonnet field.

Wouldn’t they bring in another guard? Sorry, synacism showing here. Why would she wear those shoes? Stupid?

Seems like I have I things I mean to be typing about. Am I going to regret giving my dog cheerios in the morning?

Oh, kay then…. still suppose to be typing …. but not. I am so easily distracted. Rant. Rant. Rant. Rant. Rant. Rant. Rant. what constitutes a rant? Not this.

It is dark outside. Not here. Light here. Noise coming from tv. Movement from pet. Candle. Light from candle. Heater. Kitchen light.

What is movement that you can not see? Some questions are unanswerable.

Episode 20….

What is the appeal of Holmes and Watson? All of us know that we could never be Holmes but we all believe we could be Watson. What is it about being Watson that appeals to us? Not actually being Watson but being something special, something out of the ordinary. Having a mission. Being a super hero. Having special abilities. Having a special capability.

I give up good night.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Rant or Soap Box, Stream of Consciousness. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s